Messy Moments

It’s been a rough couple of weeks here.

I try to keep positive on this blog to encourage other mothers, but I’m gonna take a Real Mom moment here and just share what’s been going on lately.

Even though tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, in the midst of making decisions about our future–jobs, house, hobbies, downsizing, general focus–losing a family member makes everything come to a screeching halt as grief overwhelms.

We are Christians, and as such live with a daily hope and positive outlook on death because we know where we are going when we pass, and I am ever so thankful to know I will see Bompa again–and he’ll be happier than he ever was on earth.

But it still leaves a Bompa-shaped hole here in our lives, which is extremely difficult to bear at times. Both of my grandfathers have also passed away, leaving their holes. And it’s starting to dawn on me just how many holes I have to look forward to in my future–each one only growing larger with time.

At the same time, Bean is just 3 and Bird is just 1.5, so all they want to know is why are Mommy and Daddy crying all the time. It doesn’t help that I feel overwhelmed and stressed and I just want to cry and the only way I can do that is to put on the TV–which, as anyone who knows me or has read in this blog, I absolutely hate doing–so I can cry quietly while the kids watch Peter Pan or Toy Story 2 for the hundredth time, and that only leaves me feeling guilty when I really don’t need that feeling on top of everything else.

As I said, a rough few weeks.

We’ve had a lot of “messy moments” because of this.

For example, one morning, I decided to distract ourselves by making Valentine’s. I saw the idea on Pinterest to take a cardboard tube and bend it into the shape of a heart and use it as a stamp. I made some paint real quick (1 c cornstarch, 1 c cold water, 1 c boiling water = about 5 baby jars of paint) and made red and pink paints. I set them down and gave the kids the rolls and showed them what to do. Stupidly, I turned back around to make some more colors for fun, and when I turned back to check on them, Bird had drunk a mouthful of paint! It was all over her face, down her front (which I’d put on an apron but that didn’t stop it) and all over her pants and the seat cushion. The look on her face! I don’t think she’ll be trying that again, thankfully, and thank God I make my own paints for this very eventuality.

Now, looking back on it, it’s really funny. Normally I would’ve forced myself to laugh so Bird knew it was ok. Instead, I lost it and started crying. I was so frustrated! Of all the days for her to finally do something like this and make such a complete mess, I was not in the mood for it today! I hauled her up and stripped her down and rinsed everything and thankfully the paint just washed right off. Then I threw everything in the wash and prayed Bean had listened to me and not made another mess while I was fixing this one. Dear, helpful, wonderful child that he is, he had not. (He earned a poof in his Poof Jar for that! In fact, he’s earned a lot of them these last few days because he’s been so helpful and sensitive to Mommy’s sadness and tiredness.)

After that I gave up and he spent the day watching movies while I cried (if Bird was actually watching too) or played with Bird (if she wasn’t watching since she usually only makes it half an hour or so before she loses interest).

This is just one example. There’s been lots of emotional breaks on my part and I just keep reminding myself this too shall pass and it’s good for them to see me grieve, so long as they know they’re safe and loved no matter what.

I can’t imagine the stress they must be feeling wondering why we’re both so distraught. We try to keep the major sobs to after they’re in bed, but it’s still hard.

Then again, I wonder if they’ll even remember this when they’re older.

So if you have a spare moment to think of us, please pray for peace and patience. Happy times will come again, and I’ll be sure to share those with you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this Real Mom messy moment.


*Don’t worry: the title picture was after drinking some homemade smoothie—I didn’t pause to take a picture when she chugged paint. 😉

Posted in Mommyhood
Tricia

Tricia

My name is Patricia Meredith and I am a stay-at-home mom with a full-time job of raising two adorable children alongside an amazing husband. I enjoy crafting, reading, writing, cooking, baking, playing pretend, and bringing my kids' stuffed animals to life. I have been truly blessed by my Lord and Savior and do all things to the glory of Him who lives in me.

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3 thoughts on “Messy Moments

  1. (I love that you explained about the title picture!) We love you all, and have been praying for you as you grieve Bompa. What a fine man and an example to so many. He is missed; focus yourselves and the kids on the Hope of Heaven!

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss, Tricia. Thanks for posting a real and ‘messy’ post, it’s reality to have messy moments in life. Praying for all of you as you grieve.

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