It started with sharing. Bean was having a hard time remembering to share with Bird—after all having a little sister who actually wanted to play with him and his toys was new. From there we added the first two, mostly because we found ourselves repetitively reminding him to listen to our words, and say please and thank you to everyone, including us.
Although we still use the Poof Jar for positive rewards, the Five (and now Six) Rules have become the ones repeated most frequently during our day. At age two, Bean could repeat the first three (the only ones we had for a couple months) with hand motions on command, so your kid is not too young to learn these. 😉
Have I got your attention now?
They are as follows:
- Listen— Make a number “1” with your finger and point to your ear.
- Please and thank you— Make a number “2” with your fingers and pull down one for “please” and the second for “thank you.”
- Sharing— Make a number “3” with your fingers and wave them between yourself and the other person.
- No hitting— Make a number “4” with your fingers and then close them over your thumb.
- Ask for help when you’re frustrated— Make a number “5” with your fingers and then do the sign for help.
And our newest one:
6. Pull the whine out and throw it away!— Make your thumb and pinky stick in the sign for “6” then pull the whine out of your mouth and throw it away.
Now before we go anywhere or especially before I leave the kids with a babysitter—be it a family member or friend—we always go through the Six Rules so the babysitter knows them, too, and can call them out when needed.
For example, if Bean takes away a toy from his baby sister, then I can say, “What’s rule number 3?” and he replies, “3 is sharing.”
We sometimes have to embellish the basic rules with things like “No hitting, kicking, pushing, or pulling.”
We also expect these rules to grow to 10 over the years and they’ll try to encompass everything. They’ll also change a little as the kids get older, like number 2 will become simply “Be Polite.”
The Six Rules have been especially helpful in public spaces like the grocery store, where I can’t discipline Bean with anything more than a stern tone. He’s whining about being in the cart? “What’s rule number 6?” “Pull the whine out and throw it away.”
Because I’ve wanted to maintain the Poof Jar as a positive rewards system, we have had to implement the Toy Jail for when Bean breaks one of the Six Rules willingly. If he blatantly disregards the rule, especially after being reminded, he loses a car (whatever one he happens to be carrying around that day) to car jail. He can only get the car back if he does a random act of kindness. This means he has to do something nice, usually for his sister, that I didn’t ask him to do. This may be helping her reach a toy she wants, giving her a hug or kiss, reading her a book, cleaning up a spill, that sort of thing.
Like the Poof Jar, he seems to have grasped the concept pretty quickly, though it helped that one day I took away a car he especially liked that week: the red car. When I took it he said, “No, lose this one!” trying to hand me a different one. Suddenly it clicked for him what it meant to lose a car to Toy Jail. I find it very funny that ever since then, he doesn’t carry around the red car anymore, but plays with it with an assortment of other cars…just in case.
And of course, all of this is in addition to the numerous songs we’ve picked up from Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. 😉
What do you do with your toddler to discipline quickly?