Fair warning: this is a long one…
One of the first things I Decided when I found out I was pregnant and started my list of “Things We’re Going to Do When We Have Kids” was to limit our TV consumption. I was raised “in front of the television,” as was my husband (and frankly most people our age), and although we both turned out fine, I see today’s children growing up in front of too many screens and not enough blue sky and fresh air. So I was determined to not let my children watch TV more than once a week. We’d have one night a week, probably Friday night, when we’d all sit and watch a movie after dinner.
Yeah, right. That didn’t happen.
I had my first kid and immediately found he was incredibly boring until he could Do Things. Sorry, Bean, but it was the truth. Until he could at least sit up on his own in the (Marvelous!) Bumbo, I couldn’t do crafts with him. Not only that, but we moved in with my husband’s parents (who are amazing!) for several months while he was in between jobs. They had TV, which I hadn’t had in years. And that’s when I discovered the Food Network.
Oh how I LOVE the Food Network! So much inspiration and fun! I admit my two favorites are Chopped and Cutthroat Kitchen, which aren’t so much about teaching as proving that even chefs don’t know everything. Then I found Good Eats, which is more Alton Brown goodness and that show Really Teaches You Something About Food, let me tell you.
Anyway, so I found my days increasingly filled with watching the Food Network over my baby boy’s head while he rolled on the ground and discovered his hands and feet. Part of what I loved about these shows is I didn’t feel like I had to watch constantly, as in, I could have it on in the background while I was really actually focused on my child. It also got me going on making homemade meals for my family more consistently, which I so enjoy!
Needless to say, however, we were off to a bad start with my limited TV idea. When we moved into our own house, I was determined to keep the TV off for the most part. We put it downstairs, which is where the TV has always been in my house growing up, in order to encourage it not being the center of attention.
Then I found out I was pregnant again. Right. I have a 9-month-old, I’m finally starting to feel “normal” and like I’ve got this baby thing under control, we just moved to Washington 6 months ago, my husband just started a new job, we’re finally in our own place again…and I’m pregnant. Now, we always said we wanted more kids, but we did not think they’d come right on top of each other. You know what they say: God laughs when we make plans.
This pregnancy kicked my butt pretty quickly. Having a wee one who doesn’t walk yet and I have to lift everywhere didn’t help.
The TV moved upstairs, the couch was turned to face the TV, and I gave in. I needed it. I was exhausted and in pain and sick all the time, plus trying to keep Bean entertained and praying I wasn’t ruining his childhood already by putting him in front of the television. My mom would remind me frequently that I spent the better part of my early years when my little brother came along watching The Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh over and over and over and over and over again. And I grew up to be a reader, writer, and, I think, rather intelligent human being. So there’s hope for us all.
But still, I wanted to avoid the TV as much as possible. I made it a point to try to do a craft at least once a day, and it was only after reading every book Bean would sit through that I’d allow some TV time. I also insisted that at least we watch educational shows. Sesame Street was an instant favorite, of course (though I admit I can’t stand how much Elmo there is now—it might as well be called The Elmo Show—ugh, a rant for another time). We also discovered Signing Time early on and I loved it because I was learning something, too. Then came Toy Story and “dun-duh-dun-duh! We have a winner, folks!” (Thank God there’s three of them, rather than the same half hour over and over again—sorry, Mom!)
And you know what? Bean is going to turn out fine.
But here’s the clincher, folks: plopping your child in front of the TV and letting them be raised by the TV is NOT fine.
In order for those wonderful educational shows to work, you MUST interact with your child while watching the show, or immediately following. It’s just like school. When your child comes home from school you—I hope!—always ask them what they learned today.
One of my favorite shows for Bean to watch right now is Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. There was actually recently a wonderful article by a father who studies the affect of media on kids about why this show is top notch. What he comes down to, though, is this: “…parents need to be intimately involved in helping reinforce the lessons taught in educational TV programming. It is not enough to plop your kiddo in front of the TV and expect them to become academic and social geniuses. The lessons in the show need to be reinforced by regular parent involvement.”
This is absolutely what I’ve found to be true in our own home. “Neighbor” (as Bean calls it) has become actually quite helpful in everyday situations. The show teaches children how to better react to social situations through a little song, and, to be honest, I’ve used a couple of them for myself! For example, “When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath, and count to four!” Or one we’ve used many times with Bean, “Give a squeeze, nice and slow, take a deep breath, and let it go…”
Every single episode has focused on something we’ve needed later on, or even that day if the timing is right! For example, Bean hurt himself pretty badly jumping down the stairs outside to the point that I had to take him to the doctor to get checked out, even including an x-ray. Well, Daniel Tiger to the rescue! That morning we re-watched the episode where Daniel hurts his knee, goes to the doctor, and gets an x-ray! I was then able to reference the show the entire time we were at the doctor and Bean would say, “Like in Neighbor!” whenever he understood the connection, and understanding helped him get through the rather scary situation with much more ease.
But I could go on and on about what I’ve learned from watching these shows… (Sounds like another blog post idea to me…) Or about crafts I’ve done after watching a show to “continue the lesson”… (Again, probably a whole ‘nother post…)
All of this is to say that you can have the best intentions when you start out parenting, but in the end, you have to do what works for you. The biggest thing is: DON’T FEEL GUILTY. Don’t! Just stop that right now. Stop it, I say! It is SO EASY as a new parent to feel guilty for the decisions you have to make. (And I’m writing this to remind myself as much as anyone!)
I’ll never forget the best parenting advice I ever received from a dear friend: God chose YOU to be the parent of your children. So in the end, you really can’t screw up that bad!
That thought has brought me so much encouragement on the days I’ve “given in” and let Bean watch Toy Story 1, 2, and 3 just to get a chance to read my own book on the couch because I’m tired, cranky, sick, PMSing, or whatever.
So keep truckin’, mommas! And don’t let yourself feel bad when you find yourself enjoying the latest Sesame Street or Daniel Tiger episode…some of them are pretty good! 😉