A Positive Rewards System that Works!

Ah, the Poof Jar! Miracle of miracles. I must share it with you all!

So simple. It’s a positive rewards system. Every time Bean does something good or helpful or kind, like sharing toys with his sister, picking up toys before I ask, or saying thank you for something before I remind him, he gets a poof. When the jar is full, he gets a treat, like a new book or car. (I pick these up at yard sales and on consignment for free or multiples for $1.)

I honestly didn’t think it would work. Bean was not even 2 years old when we started this system and I doubted he’d understand the concept.

The first day we used big poofs and filled the jar quickly, pretty much every time I praised him. When it was full, he got a new “cool car,” which was his thing at the time (he was just getting into cars and loved the little match cars).

That was it. He got it. That was all it took.

Now, things he’s gotten a poof for have changed over time. He’s always been a helpful boy and he doesn’t get a poof every time he’s helpful since that’s just part of being a family. He sometimes asks if he’ll get a poof for something, like eating all his food, and the answer is usually no when he asks, and I think he’s starting to understand even that. When he’s older I’ll be able to explain to him better that when I ask him to do something, he’ll get a poof, unless he asks if he’ll get a poof. Then he still has to do it but without a reward.

Once he does something regularly there’s no need to reward it anymore with the poof jar and we move on to whatever new thing we’re working on (which we talk about with him).

For example, I started telling him before we went somewhere that if he was quiet in the car while his infant sister slept, he got a poof. Or if he was good in a store, he’d get a poof. He started saying, “Poof get home?” And he’d remember when we got home! It still works so much better than getting him something every time we go shopping. I suppose in some ways it’s bribery, but I see it as a positive reward for his good behavior. He gets it, it works, and Momma’s happy to have a well-behaved child at the store without giving him chocolate or a toy that he does not need.

He only gets a treat when the jar is full and we use smaller poofs now so it takes usually about 10 days or more to fill the jar.

He never loses poofs. I want it to stay positive. But he does not get a poof if he does something we ask him not to. Like for a while he would keep pulling on the blinds to his window from his bed, bending them so they’d snap and break off. He was offered a poof if he didn’t touch the blinds. And if he touched them, he didn’t get that poof. That one took awhile to sink in. On the other hand, once he figured out how to climb out of his big boy bed, he tried to come out of his room. I warned him twice not to come out, and then I threatened to take a poof away and that was all it took. Since then he’s never climbed out of his bed again after going down for nap or bedtime!

Now, we still have issues. He is two after all. And human. But the Poof Jar has done wonders for this Real Mom. Perhaps it will work for you, too?

(Do note that since starting this I’ve seen lots of moms– of kids of all ages–posting on Pinterest about their poof jar and it’s never too late to start this system!)